This post is centered mainly around the subject of relationships, but many of the tenets of this philosophy can be applied to other aspects of life- jobs, living situations, etc. Here are a few red flags
- You don't like the person you've become- We've all probably heard the term "oil and water", but I can relate more closely to Ms. Apple's simile of a wishing well and a bolt of electricity. If you are with someone (friend or otherwise) and you find yourself changing into someone you don't want to be, please leave. You will resent them, but more detrimentally, you will eventually resent yourself for remaining in your situation and behaving in ways you would otherwise avoid. If you are normally even keeled, but interactions with this person leave you feeling volatile and reactionary- leave. You will thank yourself.
- You feel worthless- Having a healthy sense of self worth is a huge accomplishment that I am constantly working towards. That being said, if you are with someone who continuously makes you feel like you and your feelings do not matter, it becomes harder and harder not to subscribe to this in your own perspective of yourself. Staying in a toxic situation like this only means that you are allowing someone to treat you poorly. Cherish yourself the way you would want someone else to and give yourself a shot at happiness.
- You feel alone- I'm not talking about getting mopey from time to time- I have had plenty of nights spent one on one with my Netflix account. If you are with someone and you feel like they never understand you- or worse- don't care to, then you should probably leave. No one enters into a relationship with the intent of feeling alone. Heck, you are already feel alone, you may as well be alone. At least then you could be plucking your eye brows or dancing around your house to 80s music while folding laundry (yeah, I'm aware that that example is way too specific to apply to most people- whatever).
- You can't trust them- This usually occurs when someone has already displayed a pattern of dishonesty. Telling someone the truth whenever it is unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unflattering is a sign of respect. Lying is essentially saying, "I don't value you enough to tell you the truth". If someone is lying to you, they have probably already considered the consequences of you finding out and decided that the possibility of losing you wouldn't matter as much as whatever they are lying to protect.
- Your friends and family don't like them- This should range past the bounds of over protective parents or siblings. If those closest to you avoid them, seem to be waiting out your relationship, or say flat out that they don't like the way you are being treated, you should pay attention. These people know you the best and know when you are happy. Sometimes an outside opinion is clearer than one within the relationship.
- The relationship is uneven- You are giving 90% while they are giving 10%. If you find that you cook them meals, wash and fold their laundry, and constantly make small sweet gestures like leaving notes and planning minor surprises (yes, same guy- surprise!), but they don't ever take you out or do anything to reciprocate- you are being used, my friend. Acts of kindness show someone that you are thinking about them and that you care- this is something every normal human being should know by a certain age. If they aren't doing these things and you are, they are not considering you as much as you are them. Sometimes, this need only be communicated openly and calmly, but if it persists over a long period of time (let's say, a year and a half, ahem) despite discussing the issue, then it is probably time to throw up those deuces and peace out.
There are a multitude of signs that result from being in a bad relationship, but the one to be especially wary of is bitterness. Don't let a bad relationship make you bitter. Life is hard enough without seeing everything through a lens that's been dirtied by a film of pessimism and jadedness. If you are too wounded from your last relationship, you will never be well enough to move on to the next person who will hopefully treat you better. Pick yourself up, call it a learning experience, and move on towards better things.