Why I think about Jennifer Aniston entirely too much.

If loving Jennifer Aniston is wrong, I don't want to be right. Unlike my older sister (calling you out, missy), I have never been one to follow the lives of celebrities, or even learn the names of the  actors playing characters that I come to know and love. I'm not the person to go to if you want to talk about so and so's latest arrest or speculate about Taylor Swift's newest boo thang. When it comes to people that I am not intimately invested in or obligated to love, I just cannot be bothered. Until recently, I was terrible at keeping up with current events in general- as demonstrated by a very perturbed phone call to my sister circa 2008 expressing my outrage that the U.S. government had done nothing to release its citizen held hostage in Colombia for about 5 years. "You mean the ones released today? It's been all over the news. Amanda...is this a joke?". Sadly, it was not. I had five years to make that phone call, and I chose that day. 

My point is this: despite being all but oblivious to the lives of celebrities, I am in head over heels adoration for almost all things Jennifer Aniston. 

Here's Why

• Natural Beauty- Okay, okay, I am sure a lot of you will read this and think of other celebrities that you consider to be prettier than Jennifer Aniston. I disagree. Have you seen her skin?! It glows. It's like someone took a sunbeam, wrapped it around a shooting star, smeared the whole thing in coco butter, and left it out on the Mediterranean coast for three to five days. That's how Jennifer Aniston was made. It's what I like to imagine, anyways. Sure, a large portion of this can be attributed to a superlative amalgam of genes, but when I look at her, I cannot help but think, what has that girl been eating?! Which brings me to my next point. Follow me, please. 
• That Body- I don't care what kind of Hater-Ade you might be sipping on right now- it is an undeniable fact that Jennifer Aniston is rocking a smokin' bod. She has an incredible fat to lean ratio and don't even get me started on her muscle definition. Yes, there are plenty of celebrities with beautifully sculpted bodies, I get it, but it is the way that Ms. Aniston has gone about strengthening and maintaining her physique that I applaud her for. Like many of you, I was first introduced to her in her role as Rachel Green on Friends. (Side note: Get it together, Netflix). In the earlier episodes, Jennifer is obviously gorgeous and in great shape- women watched Friends because they loved the storylines and banter, men watched Friends for those Ally McBeal style skirts that Jennifer was rocking in the 90s. Later on, Rachel begins looking just absolutely unbelievable due to Jennifer's reported change to her diet and exercise regimen. She looks just as hot- if not hotter!- today, than she did at 25. From all sources, she has always kept a healthy approach to staying fit and has (to my knowledge) not undergone any corrective surgery. Why attempt to correct perfection, am I right? 
• Her Personal Style- I have seen tabloids bash her for always wearing different variations of jeans and a tee shirt, with the occasional blazer thrown in there, but I love this about her. I really enjoy shopping (too much-it's a problem) and seeing how she can look stunning in just a tee shirt and jeans has really helped me pump the breaks on my little garment addiction. She is in such great shape that she makes an otherwise "comfortable outfit" look like a million bucks. Her clothes are just the backdrop to the main event- that bod. She shouldn't be disparaged, she should be applauded! I want to look that good! I also really appreciate the fact that despite having phenomenal physique that anyone would love to show off, she has always dressed very modestly. This comment is not meant to slut shame anyone- it is your body and you hold the right to wear whatever you want. However, I personally (personal opinion alert, y'all!) believe that dressing modestly can work towards greatly mitigating the objectification of women and sets a positive model (for young women especially) that we, as women, are so much more than our appearances or physical offerings of sexuality. 
• Her Approach to Exercise- From what I have read- and boy, have I read-she mostly just wants to stay healthy and fit. Certainly, I am sure that she is probably glad she has the arms of the world's daintiest prize fighter, but all of her interviews have pointed to a concern for health, rather than the physical rewards that come as a result. She likes to mix it up- yoga, Pilates, spinning, running, etc.  Your body gets just as bored as you do when you run around and around the track every time you work out. Working different muscle groups is very important when trying to keep your body on its A game. If you have been gifted with health (because it is a gift), I entreat you to use it. Push your limits and stretch your boundaries. I bet that when you are at the end of your life and a set of stairs becomes an almost insurmountable obstacle, you will be glad you used what you had to the fullest while you had it. I like to think of it as an investment in future mobility. 

As upheld by my listed ramblings about her, I am okay with admitting that I think about Jennifer Aniston way too much. I think about her when I am deciding what to make for dinner at the grocery. I think about her when I am desperately attempting to quell my almost compulsive yearning to buy more clothes. I think about her every morning before I go to the gym for motivation. Jennifer Aniston wouldn't skip today just because it's cold. Jennifer Aniston would slam this ginger, peach, and coconut water smoothie and make it happen, captain. She is my fairy godmother of health consciousness. I realize that not all of you will agree with me. Some of you probably have other fitness role models you aspire to mimic in your everyday lives, but for those of you who don't I am happy to share my goddess of good health. If that is the case, please join me in saying- "Jennifer Aniston, give me strength". 

Keeping your cool in stressful situations

We have all been there- it's been a long day, week,  or perhaps just a horrible series of stressful situations. You are desperately hanging on to the frazzled, tattered end of what was once your rope when something comes along to rip  carpet of composure right out from underneath you. It does not matter how small the offense is- in this mental state, on this day, in this moment, you are just not going to handle it well. Someone says something insensitive, someone cuts you off in traffic, some woman gives your shoes (what you perceive to be) a dirty look and your ears are suddenly filled with Ironside siren sounds. 

In the sage words of Lil Jon and his Eastside Boyz- the club owner said you need to clam down. No one likes losing their temper. It makes you say things you wouldn't normally say, react to situations poorly, and act like an overall jerk-hole. I am generally an amiable sort of person with a joking and cheerful disposition. That being said, I also have a notoriously short fuse. I never understood the concept of pet peeves because I am never just slightly annoyed. I am either in a total state of sanguine- nothing can touch me, I am the emotional equivalent of sitting in a beach chair, chilling on some mai tais, and giving the world a shrug and a half smile combo-, or I am gripped in a full-on, frothing-at-the-mouth, eyes-melting-out-of-my-face, Godzilla-rising-from-the-sea style rage. Mine is the worst kind of anger because if I am not tuning in to my feelings and keeping current with my state of mind, it can seemingly manifest itself from thin air. I am one of those whose words are too quick for their conscience and when I get all wrapped up in one of what I refer to as my "adult-sized tantrums", I can be swift, cutting, and (worst of all) cold. Transitioning into adulthood has given me a helping heaping of what real stress is- it's not just a matter of getting to class on time and balancing a part time job for me anymore, folks. I now have to contend with things like *gasp* bills, obligations, and the underlying feeling of drowning as a result of my inability to settle on a greater life/career destination. This has all contributed to making me a much more reactionary person than I used to be. It only took a few truly passionate freakouts for me to realize that my anger was transforming me into someone I did not want to be. Fret not! Reigning in my rage has equipped me with a few tricks that I will now share with you so that we can all, hopefully, become shiny, happy people together. 

Tips

• Temper Trap- I mentioned being attuned to emotions and mood because I find that being aware of your frame of mind is key to coping with emotional reactions. My sister and I share a common quirk: we both laugh when we are getting angry. Yes, exactly like crazy people. The inception of our frustration is marked by a small, mirthless chuckle, usually accompanied by widened "crazy eyes" directed off to the side, or at the ground. Some people clench their fists, some people hold their breath, and others gnash their teeth. If you have a physical "tell" that lets your friends, family, or coworkers know that it's about to go down, being aware of that outward sign of aggravation can be a helpful forewarning to you as well. You can't control something you aren't aware of. NOTE: If you can see the white part of someone's eyes all around their irises, it is probably a good time to back away. Slowly. 
• Counting to ten- Apart from being trite, this has proved useless for me. I end up mentally scream-counting while picturing giant Sesame Street numbers disintegrating in a hellish conflagration within my mind's eye. Although it has not been effective for me, I have met many people who use this coping method to great effectiveness. 
• Breathing- Oxygen does wonders for elevating your mental state because it physically affects your brain in a positive way. A well oxygenated brain functions more quickly and concisely than one that is oxygen deprived. I'm not talking about going through the motions of just snorting air in and out of your nose quickly like some deranged human-bull hybrid. Make them count. Fill your lungs to their fullest capacity and feel them stretch, widening your ribcage and expanding your chest, before slowly releasing their contents through your nose. Focus on nothing else in these moments. I like to take ten really deep breaths and imagine pushing the raging anger demons out of my body through my nostrils. Be gone with ye!
• Removing yourself from the situation- If you feel you are past the point where breathing and counting will be effective on you, take a time out. I usually become the most frustrated when I am unable to express myself as I desire and feel that my meaning is misunderstood. Communication is paramount to avoiding verbal altercations with another person. Rather than unleash the hounds on them, tell that person that you feel yourself getting angry and would like to revisit the discussion when you feel that you will be able to handle it in a manner it deserves. In the best scenario, the other person will understand. If not, take the time anyway. Boundaries are beautiful. 
• Consider consequences- Before saying something you might feel guilty about once you have cooled off, ask yourself, "Will what I am about to say contribute to clearer communication and bring me closer to a solution, or is it a petty way to lash out and prove that I am a giant, immature, BUTT?". This method works the best for me and has helped me avoid a lot of unnecessary squabbling. Ten times out of ten, my angry little quips achieve nothing aside from making me come across like a quarrelsome little punk. Don't waste your time.
• Look at yourself- Imagine you are viewing yourself as an outsider- are you being a likable character, or are you being an antagonistic twit? Keeping the person you want to be in mind can help you to more closely reflect that "ideal you". 
• Remember to laugh- This is the holy grail of anger management. If you can keep enough perspective on your situation that you are able to laugh at things that irritate you, then you are solid gold. The other day, I was tasked with hosing something off at work. Someone had attached one of those extendable hoses to the normal set up and my first encounter with it was less than gratifying. I don't know if you are familiar with the extendable hose from television commercials, but it is basically made of fabric. I am not sure if this one in particular was improperly installed, or if the owner had simply acquired a defective item, but that thing was leaking water all over my jeans. So, of course, I thought "eff dis" and began twisting the nozzle off- while the water was still running. This was not my best move. It was very early in the morning- whatever. The hose sprays me RIGHT in the face. It is 8 am and yours truly has a face full of high pressured hose water, straight to the dome. I blindly grabbed the hose, holding it away from me, while somehow managing to inadvertently engage the trigger. A stream of icy cold water spurted up into the air, arced over my shoulder, and majestically landed on the part of my lower back left exposed as I was bent over, wrestling this demon-possessed irrigation device. It completely soaked the backside/under-crotch area of my jeans as it travelled, unimpeded, via my butt crack. As you probably know, jeans take forever to dry, so I had a good four to six hours of moist humiliation to look forward to. As I stood there, furiously dripping, I felt my throat starting to clench around silent screams- I had just completely hosed myself! Consciously, instead of getting angry, I chose to laugh. I thought of how ridiculous I must have looked, wrestling with this hose that was flailing around like a live animal, and ultimately being undeniably bested by an inanimate object. All of the frustration that had built up in my chest was released in laughter. I shook my head in a very "Oh, Amanda. You and your hijinx" way, and went about my business. After a few minutes, I was able to think "It's just water".

When you feel you are seconds away from completely losing it, try to remember that perspective is everything. It may be 3 am and you have to be up at 5, but it's just a dog barking. You may already be late for work, but it's just traffic. Everything may seem horrible and out of control, but it's just today.